Thursday, April 1, 1999
Self-esteem can be defined as inner strength. It is your measure of yourself. It is about belonging, being comfortable in different situations, and valuing yourself.
In general, Indians have rather fragile self-esteem and tend to get hurt very easily. Examples may sound like: “You did not invite me to your party;” “You said hello to somebody else in the morning, but not to me;” “I feel insulted and let down – you are not respecting me.” In Indian mythology too, there are numerous portrayals of the swamaan, or inner pride, being hurt.
During meetings in India, in private companies, and even more in the government, strong hierarchical behavior exists, which is directly related to self-esteem. Subordinates hesitate at risking ‘improper’ social actions with their superiors, attempting to protect their own self-esteem. When tea is served, for example, no one in the room begins drinking until the head of the meeting commences. Whether this behavior is out of respect for the senior individual or for the sake of following the hierarchical system, it is wrongly aimed at maintaining the self-esteem of everyone in the meeting remains intact.
All modern business requires team effort; and all teamwork requires team members to respect each other, as discussed in an earlier article (“The Magic of Teamwork,” siliconindia, January 1998, page 74). In other words, teamwork demands that knowledge is respected regardless of age, title and hierarchy. It also requires the individual members to maintain strong and stable self-esteem, which is not easily shaken with disagreeable or unpleasant work assignments.
In India and in Latin America, high-asset family-run businesses, such as manufacturing or mining, face serious management problems when they try to get into a high-technology business like IT or Telecom. One of these problems is management style – the inevitable adjustment from few people making all the decisions while everyone else merely works to more people working with knowledge and not requiring orders from hierarchies. Another problem in the traditional work culture involves high confidentiality and very little openness and access to management. In a high-tech business environment, everything is out in the open. This creates self-esteem conflicts within traditional management personnel, causing them to feel threatened when the high-tech worker asks probing questions concerning finance, marketing or corporate strategy.
Psychiatrists have been hired by large corporations to study and work with their Asian employees who felt that they were not getting the dues, recognition or promotions that they deserved. The root of these problems was nailed down to self-esteem. These workers felt that their largely Caucasian American bosses didn’t pat their backs enough. The bosses insisted that these professionals had carried out their duties as required very accurately and that no extra recognition was necessary. Perhaps the workers were simply looking for some praise to raise their self-esteem a bit.
Social Extensions
This self-esteem issue extends to social immigrant settings too. In the early days, at Indian parties in the US, discussions on what type of immigrant status one had – student visa, work visa, permanent residency or citizenship – were common. Or people might have talked about their living arrangements – does one live in an apartment, or townhome or a house. The focus of these conversations would often shift from the subject to the personalities involved as people lost objectivity and began to concentrate on these hierarchies. In these environments, there was a frantic search for applause and approval.
Often in India, people come to visit others with no obvious agenda. When asked why, they say they are visiting to “pay respects.” While this practice may seem like a waste of everyone’s time, it is soon evident that, the visitors are attempting to establish contact with a higher level – thereby increasing their self-esteem. By doing this, they enhance their personal social circle and can boast about the higher-ups they know and spend time with.
The way one is raised also directly affects his/her self-esteem. In traditional Indian families, for example, from her birth, a woman is considered “paraya dhan,” or someone else’s wealth. Until her marriage, her family treats her as if she belongs to her future in-laws, as if she will soon marry and go away. However, once with her in-laws, she is essentially an intruder and accepted by them only when she delivers a baby boy. She has then “arrived,” and her self-esteem rises.
Typically, as the child grows up in India, he or she is not openly praised by the family in an attempt to avoid “spoiling” him or her. In the US, though, children receive praise for their small achievements – tying shoe-laces, carrying the school-bag, finishing potty training, and so on. These little praises add to the self-esteem of the child, which have strong influences on his or her later life.
Workplace Ethic
Self-esteem is essential for productive work because it makes workers feel comfortable, calm and cool, enabling them to focus on the task at hand, and not on trivial little things that may make them feel uncomfortable if their self-esteem is low.
Most people are reluctant to try new things when their self-esteem is at a low point. The act of trying may lead to failure, thereby proving that the person isn’t capable and bringing embarrassment on him or her. In the US, self-esteem usually runs high, and this makes people there more willing to attempt and achieve new things. For this reason, the US is one of the more innovative countries in the world. The workers devote themselves to greater teamwork and efficiency rather than wasting their time on other matters. Self-esteem is an important parameter in building bridges with co-workers. It is a share-and-share-alike process as one person helps another with confidence and vice-versa. Team-building efforts improve greatly as workers become more conscious of each other’s self-esteem and try to help each other maintain it. This creates better work performance and enhances leadership.
Entrepreneurs usually have high self-esteem. They leave good salaries and comfortable positions to spend their time and energy to make their dream a reality. Their innovative approach to financial freedom puts them in control of their destiny and ensures them of a stable, high self-confidence.
Awareness
The first step in tackling a potential self-esteem problem is becoming aware of it. Avoid making constant comparisons between yourself and others. Try to be more naturally sensitive to the needs of people around you, especially the younger ones, so that you don’t appear arrogant and insulting. This will make people more comfortable with you, and allow them to perform at their best.
Immigrant women, perhaps more than men, often face the most serious self-esteem problems. People have standard images of foreign women – they tend to judge by the dress or look, etc. The solution to this is a lowering of expectations. Expectation is blindness. When you don’t expect anything, your self-esteem and your productivity are at their highest.
Based on a phone conversation. With inputs from extensive discussions on the topic with Dr. Prakash Desai, Director, VA Hospital, Chicago.
